Politics: Dave Barry on New York as the RNC site

You may be wondering why the Republicans decided to hold their convention in New York. According to an explanation issued by the GOP site-selection committee: "We considered such factors as hotel space, meeting facilities, transportation, and the financial incentives offered by the city. Then we smoked crack."

Politically, New York is very liberal: 68 percent of the city's registered voters are Democratic, with the remaining 32 percent evenly divided between Che Guevara and Mao. It is believed that, at one time, there may have been Republicans in New York City; archeologists have found what appear to be the remains of a primitive golf course under what is now Central Park. But this early GOP settlement was apparently wiped out by what one historian has described as "some kind of terrible catastrophe involving Al Sharpton."