Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Sparkgrass: Openings

We at Sparkgrass pride ourselves on (mock)diversity. We currently consist of six white dudes, two Indian dudes, three married dudes, a Catholic dude who can't get married in quite a few states after the last election, two Jewish kids, two progressive Baptists, two engineers, two literature majors, two vegetarians, two econ majors, four kids from rural Kentucky, two Michiganders, an osteopath student, one chubby kid, an Arizona grad who doesn't know who Lute Olson is, one guy who went to medical school just so his name would coincide with a soft drink, and a poker player (who isn't even Jewish).

The following positions are now open. Leave a comment to apply:

-an angry feminist
-a happy feminist
-a lesbian (can coincide with above)
-a Muslim (bonus: a Muslim lesbian feminist--angry or happy welcome)
-a Jew who actually practices
-a public health student
-a graduate of an obscure liberal arts school (obscure majors (or political science) welcome)
-a gay Jew (if practicing, even better)
-a nihilistic philosophy major
-anyone with ovaries, a uterus, or vestiges thereof
-a transgendered/transsexual individual
-an environmentalist who bathes regularly
-anybody that thought Death Race 2000 was a KILLER movie
-anyone who has dreamt of snipering Rick Santorum or Tom DeLay
-a gun control nut (to counteract sniper)
-a liberal theologian

Great salaries! Fun work environment! Free health care from stupid medical students!

8 comments:

Erin said...

ooooo...is the "lesbian" position filled yet? If so, can you set me up? Otherwise, I think this big butch might be able to fill it. No need to set me up then, that would be just too familiar :P

michael said...

i would like to apply for the position of happy feminist.

Steve said...

Damn it - I don't think I would add much to the diversity - I'm Catholic, going to be married, a white dude, a literature major, and a Michigander.

Although I am latino-by-proxy....hmmmn. And if I would have not gone to medical school, I think I would have studied African-American literature (or try to fight tyranny). My old roommate/best friend is Vietnamese, and a lot of people *think* I'm gay. So basically I'm brown/yellow/red/white/grey/orange and gay on the inside (stop right there - no pun intended) - does that count?

madeliza said...

hello!
i am a hyper 17yr old from Australia. woooo! now thats diverse! i just stumbled upon this site but i think i agree with most of it. yay! hehe. i'm gonna go find out what you are all about now. tata!

love ellie!

Kyle said...

Well, I could use a proper and thorough physical...

I took a history degree from a (probably) obscure liberal arts college. I'm awfully white, and on some days, Episcopalian.

I'm not conservative or liberal, either. I'm nuanced.

Pepper said...

Don't be fooled by the "great salaries." Last time I checked, I was still down about 30k a year.
That aside, I say we go with the Australian. That places kicks ass. Well, except for their PM, who's a bit of a putz.

Josh said...

For the record, Death Race 2000 kicked some major fucking ass. So I guess what I am saying is that the position is already filled. I also suspect that we have plenty of lesbians, but transgendered ones at that.

nicole said...

ooh ooh i have an environmentalist sticker on my car and i shower ... does that count as an environmentalist who showers? i'm also pretty sure i have ovaries.