Tuesday, April 4, 2006

The Horror: Bush throws out opening day pitch in Cincy, threatens to brush back Iran

Proving that the Reds like to associate with loser jackasses nowadays, G-Dub throws out the ceremonial first pitch for new owner Bob Castellini, who was one of Dub's partners when he was an owner of the also-loser jackass Texas Rangers.

Not surprisingly, Jackass Incorporated loses to the Cubs, 16-7, on opening day. The Reds are now 1-3 on Opening Day at Great American Joke Ballpark.

And in other diamond news that shows that baseball and politics mixes like taco bell and toilet water, Jesse Jackson is throwing a racial bitch-fit over some sort of supposed mistreatment of Barry Bonds. A San Diego fan threw a toy plastic (needleless) syringe on to the field (because Bonds is black, of course). Jackson wants the fan lynched from a tree in the town square.

I kinda like Jesse Jackson most of the time. I mean, he does stick up for minorities and workers and other folks who need sticking up for. If only his jackass-o-meter didn't break back before he tried to run for president.

So yeah, this is a bad year for sports for me. There's something torturous about being a Kentucky Wildcats fan, about being a Cincinnati Reds fan. For one, you can't give up your fandom. It's a blood-borne virus that seeds the CSF twice a year to produce two distinct encephalopathies. And like an encephalopathy, you don't enjoy it, you can't enjoy it. You can only be infected with the rage borne out of your frustration. Nausea. Vomiting. Maybe, if you're lucky, some chest pain to distract you from Peter Gammons' bullshit.

At least with football, Kentucky fans and Cincinnati fans know to expect the worst. In basketball and baseball, our delusions of past grandeur preclude rational judgment. We suffer. We suffer.

The Reds won the Series in '90. Pitino won in '96, and Tubby in '98.

Like battered wives, we keep coming back for more.

Of course, unlike battered wives, it's at least just a frigging game.

2 comments:

Daedalus said...

do you really have to torture us by reposting photos of this tragedy?

;)

Kyle said...

I don't know what those words mean, but they sure sound purty when you say 'em.