Wednesday, August 9, 2006

Politics: Clearing up Connecticut

After reading a few zillion convoluted analyses of Ned Lamont sticking his thumb up Joe Lieberman's ass, I figured I'd break it down for everybody into its most fundamental portions.

#1: Joe Lieberman is a selfish douche bag.

#2: Joe Lieberman is a selfish douche bag who votes as a Democrat for setting senatorial agenda and committee membership.

#3: The Democratic party needs senatorial votes.

#4: Ned Lamont is a hippy opportunist, who, unlike Lieberman, at least pretends to not support pure evil superficially, while remaining willfully ignorant of the way the bloated American legislative branch works to the point of being as useless as a blind mohel.

#5: Ned Lamont could not possibly win a general election if Joe Lieberman were running as an independent.

#6: Joe Lieberman will run as an independent because he is a selfish douche bag who takes his foreign policy notes from twenty-year old neocons smoking clove cigarettes in coffee shops in New Haven. And from his mother, that told him to protect Israel even if Israel decided to throw flaming shit at its neighbors because somebody sneezed across the Gaza border without using a tissue.

#7: Welcome to the Senate, Mr. Republican from Connecticut, even if 79% of the state thinks you suck matzo, and didn't vote for you the last three times you failed to win a seat in Congress.

That is all. Save your time for important articles about Lindsay Lohan wanting to blow up Iraqis for funsies.

Update: If for some strange reason you require more nuance than the Sparkgrass 7 points, Jacob Weisberg's take, as well as an MSNBC article on how Republicans will now be able to paint Dems as pansies, should round out your education.

3 comments:

Geoff said...

In a lot of ways I agree. I just can't figure out why people like Joe Lieberman don't have someone telling them "hey, think about the big picture. If there are 65% of CT voters who are 'democrats' and you now have to split them with Ted Lamont, then you've just handing a victory to the republicans. What's the worst thing, you not winning an election or you not winning and election and having it go to a republican?" Come on! Someone needs to slap some sense into that guy!

Pepper said...

Actually, Garrett, to win, the Republican would theoretically need around 33% of the vote (I'm making the assumption that only a percent or two would go to anyone who wasn't Lieberbush, Lamont or Unknown Republican Douchebag). The last poll on a three way race that I saw, in July, had the Repub at 9%. 9%! A ham sandwich could garner more support (albeit after losing the Jewish vote). I'm not too worried about throwing this race to an R.

Tovar said...

Another article on the CT primary is: http://www.nytimes.com/2006/08/11/magazine/20wwln_lede.html

The article touches on the role of the netroots and on the frustration of boomer liberals with the Dems.