Wacky Headline Punchdrunk Sing-a-long!

I just had one of those days where there were just too many headlines that dumbfounded me.

N.J. warns: Don't eat squirrel near dump
We the Living Dead: The convoluted politics of zombie cinema
Church hosts 'porn and pancakes' event
Scientist develops caffeinated doughnuts
Teacher reassigned for anatomy drawings
Senator Schilling? Curt’s not so sure, but fans think he’s just the ticket
New York plans official city condom

And from the "no damn duh" category:

Alternative medicine rarely discussed with doctors
Most diabetics don't exercise
Study says skin tone affects earnings
Triptans can ward off orgasmic headaches

Wait, orgasmic headaches? If my headaches were orgasmic, I don't think I'd take Motrin ever again. *rimshot*