Sparkgrass Community's First Caption Contest!!!

Rick Santorum is an easy nomination for the sickest bastard currently elected to public office. And for some reason, this picture, that plastic face, the spray on hair, the extended digit... gives me the willies!

"I'll raise the minimum wage...
IF you let me massage your prostate!"

So here's the contest: make up the funniest/freakiest/wrongest caption you can think of for this picture. Winner gets... umm... a free rectal exam from Sen. Man-on-Dog himself!

Update: Thanks to Ben over at BlueGrassRoots for co-sponsoring this caption-contest!